You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize