Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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