You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im part way to drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
