How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
