this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
