just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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