she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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