Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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