if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
