I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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