so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
