a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
