Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
