I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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