Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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