Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
