This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
