Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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