He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
