I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
