You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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