Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
