even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize