Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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