This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
