This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
