so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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