It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
