Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
