she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
