did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
