wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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