I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
