Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
