Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
