I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
