I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
