Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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