I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
