I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
