I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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