I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
