and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
