Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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