We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
