in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
