the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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