She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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