the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
