There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
