Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he thought i was a dude.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how drunk are you?
Several
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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