Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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