margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
