she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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