A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
