I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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