My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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