I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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