I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
