Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
