i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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