I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
