You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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