I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize