K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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