Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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