I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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