youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
