i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
