had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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