some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
