Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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